I have something to say!

There are a few things that I would like to get off my chest, so lets consider this post my first and hopefully last where I actually talk about my feelings outside of superficial daily life happenings.

1. Its way too windy where I work.
This is pretty surface evident. When I leave my house at 830, its 70 degrees and warm. When I get to work, its 50 and cold. My place of employment's parking lot is basically a giant wind tunnel, and I just want everyone out there to know how much of an effect this has on the outcome of my day depending on how many times I have to go out into it. The wind is basically one of the largest problems I have with having to go to the work building every day, and this morning it really bummed me out. So now that I have that off my chest, lets move on.

2. Sometimes I sound like a complete asshole.
Last Wednesday we had our final Japanese class at MCCC, and since there were only 8 of us in the class we all agreed to take our sensei out for dinner and have a little post-class horrah. Sensei thought it would be fun to hear what the reasons for everyone getting into the Japanese language class were. As I was listening to everyone else's reasons I was preparing a list in my head of what exactly it is I love about Japan and its culture. I was half listening to the reasons everyone was giving and half exploring the feelings I had, trying to make sense of something that I really hadn't talked about in a long time. I had a bit of trouble, because I really have made this whole Japan thing a part of who I am, rather than just being a fan of anime and video games. Everyone had pretty interesting reasons, especially Nelly-san, who went on to explain her love for Japanese art and print making, and how she had grown up in Peru surrounded by her father's art books and literature. That woman is truly something amazing by the way.

When it finally came to be my turn, something inside of me completely collapsed, and I ended up saying how I had always been a fan of video games and anime, but never really fell in love with Japan until I went there and realized 'how much better it was there'.

How much better it was?

Are you kidding me, Molly? What exactly does that mean? Are you saying that Japanese people are better? Are you saying that America is such a crappy place to live? Do you really think that all in all that country is just 'better' than it is here? I never really got to explain myself. I think I might have gotten out something about how much prettier it is, but at this point I don't really remember. I can only remember being so saddened by the actual words that came out of my mouth and following it up with how I want to live there, but only in Tokyo (prompting my sensei to later refer to me as a 'snob') and also having to defend myself about my dislike for Japanese food.

How in the hell did I become so socially akward? Have I always been this way? Is this why people think I am such a retard? I never actually am able to say what I am thinking until hours later, it seems. Even when I do put a lot of thought into what I am trying to say.

Well to save some kind of face, what I did mean to say in those five minutes that I had, was that I feel that Japan feels like it would generally be a better place for me to exist in. That it is much more aesthetically pleasing there. That the care that goes into such simple things like the shapes of trees and landscaping and the general relationship between nature and the city is a wonder to me. That there are things in Japan that I am more interested in than in America. That I feel that push-button eateries are much more fun to eat in than a diner. That the McDonalds tastes better there. That the subways and trains are always on time. That the country is cleaner. That the people are more beautiful. That the fashion is more forward and innovative. That the music is more captivating. That the language sounds more pleasing to my ear. That it smells so much more like the Earth seemingly should smell there. That there is a culture there that people respect and love. That people are more efficient. That the television is more interesting and funny.

The reason I only want to live in Tokyo, also, is that it is a city! I'm not saying that ONLY TOKYO ONLY ALL THE TIME, but I am saying that if I am going to move across the earth you can be sure that I am going to move to a place where there are a lot of people and also there are going to be other gaijin. Not to mention I have only spent a lot of time in Tokyo, so if I am going to ship there for awhile I am going to, for my sanity, have to spend time there before I can gather the ambition to try living somewhere else. Japan, for me, is a land of complete unfamiliarities, which scares the shit out of me. Tokyo, I believe, would make that transition much easier. I believe it would serve as more of a stepping stone, rather than the only place in the country I deem good enough for me to live in.

I mean I could go on but I think at this point you can see how incredibly ridiculous I felt after saying 'its better'. So I while I apologize to everyone sitting at that table for sounding somewhat arrogant, I do want to stand by the fact that once you go there for yourself I believe strongly that you will better understand what exactly I mean when I say 'better'. I know very personally that Japan is not an awesome place all the time, especially for foreigners. However, I do also feel that Japan's feelings for gaijin are occasionally justified, and I feel that those downs that I have so brutally experienced first hand are a small price to pay for the bigger picture.

3. What the fuck is up with my art?
This is the last thing I am going to talk about. Its more of a curiosity thing than anything. I've been working with the same kind of style of art for awhile, and while I believe that the quality of the work I've been doing has somewhat been compromised by quantity, I used to get a lot of positive feedback about what I was doing. Lately, I've been putting things up for sale at etsy.com, and while many people have been saying, oh your art is great, no one ever buys some.

I have sold two custom pieces, but thats not enough for me.

Now I know buying art isn't really something people do as often as buying clothes or music or whatever, but its lead to me thinking about how much people like my art as opposed to how many people that I know and are my friends like to TELL me they like my art. I don't really have the same kind of access to critiquing that I used to when I was in school, and I guess its lead me to question the authenticity of what people have to say about what I do. Maybe I just need a break from producing illustrated things for awhile, maybe I really have been too focused on making many ok art pieces rather than a few great ones, or maybe I am trying to hard to make new kinds of art (objects etc), or maybe I need to move onto a new medium for awhile?

If you read this blog, I'd be happy to hear what you have to say about what I do. pandakabobs.etsy.com. I'm not trying to get you to go there to buy things. I want some honest feedback. I think about what kinds of art I make a lot, and criticism is something that I honestly take to heart, especially from strangers who can give me a fresh look on something that I really spend a lot of time doing instead of thinking about.

So thats all, hopefully something rad will happen soon that is worth blogging about.