Movie Gong Show Marathon Saturday Episode I

Thanks to everyone who participated in Movie Day! Here is your magical recap. (movie synopsis from IMDB.com) Note: I did not include any details about the favorite scenes in order to keep out spoilers. I highly suggest that you watch these movies to see for yourself.

1. Star Slammer - 7.7/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087945/

from: http://images.contentreserve.com/
"Two women who have been unjustly confined to a prison planet plot their escape, all the while having to put up with lesbian guards, crazed wardens and mutant rodents."

Favorite Character Award:

• All - Short Lunch Guy

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - knife fight
  
• Sara - arena of death
  
• Dan - Dr. Po death scene
  
• Lauren - mace whipping scene

Honorable Mentions:

• misleading movie title
  
• completely inappropriate soundtrack
  
• need to watch the sequel - Torah and The Chain Gang Planet
  
• never once is anyone in this movie wearing anything on this cover, nor do they ever get lazer guns from what I can remember.
  

2. Switchblade Sisters (the jezebels) - 7.425/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073778/

from http://blog.tilos.hu/filter/archives/2005_08.html
"The "Dagger Debs" are a gang of snarling girls, and Maggie is their newest member. Lace, the ever tooth-gritting leader, befriends her but soon has doubts --it seems Lace's man, Dominic, head of the "Silver Daggers" fancies the new recruit. Lace struggles to keep control of the Debs, and a handle on Nick, as they face off against the rival gang of pushers lead by Crabs."

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly, Sara, Lauren - Donut
  
• Dan - the Principal

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly, Lauren - "Surprise" bedroom scene
  
• Sara - opening scene at the burger place
  
• Dan - Maggie's escape scene

Honorable Mentions:

• the scene in the juvy center had some great action
  

3. 1990 - Bronx Warriors - 2.6/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085124/

from http://www.movieposter.com/
A Heavy Metal Journey Into An Urban Hell Where Everything Was Done Wrong!

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - Trash's chest
  
• Dan - Ogre
  
• Sara - Mysterious Drummer

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - the release of ashes into the river, but never made it into the river
  
• Sara - opening credits
  
• Dan - piano lounge party

Honorable Mentions:

• Molly did not actually watch this entire movie, and requested a gong, which was turned down by majority vote
  

4. Crack House - 9.2/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097119/

from http://www.rottentomatoes.com/
Rick and Melissa are a pair of young lovers hoping to get out of the slums for good and escape the poverty and crime their families and friends have gotten involved in. All this comes to an end when Rick feels he must rejoin his old gang to avenge the killing of his brother by a rival gang. In the course of getting even, Rick is arrested, leaving Melissa without anyone to protect her. She falls in with a crack dealer and quickly becomes addicted to the drug. When she gets sold to a drug kingpin by a minor dealer to pay off a debt, only Rick can save her.

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - OG Jammer
  
• Dan - the teacher
  
• Sara - Tripper
  
• Vince - Chico

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - dance party
  
• Sara - pocho party
  
• Dan - school bathroom fight
  
• Vince - car crack shoot scene

Honorable Mentions:

• everyone had a really hard time picking their favorite scene.
  
• one of Sara's favorite movies ever
  
• Steve and Sara must throw Crack House themed party
  
• G FO LIFE!
  

5. Never Too Young to Die - 9.5/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091621/

from http://www.amoeba.com/blog
A secret agent is murdered, and his son--a high school gymnast--teams up with a spy to catch the man who killed him.

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - Caruthers
  
• Dan - Cliff
  
• Sara - Pyramid
  
• Vince - Pyramid
  
• Greg - Cliff
  
• John - Ragnar

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly, Sara, John - the payoff scene
  
• Dan - guy getting bent up on rail (death scene)
  
• Vince - Stargrove Sr. death scene
  
• Greg - guy exploding on motorcycle
  

Honorable Mentions:

• the only movie featuring an ex James Bond, Gene Simmons, John Stamos and Vanity
  
• the best soundtrack of a movie ever
  
• the winner for the night, and a MUST-SEE
  

I'm toying with the idea of dressing this review up a bit in the future. Thanks again to everyone who came out and drank beers all day. Stay tuned for the next edition, coming January-ish!

50 Movie Pack - Nightmare Worlds MOVIE REVIEW TIME FUN YAY part deux (a French word for "2")

Saturday and Sunday I was able to fit four more movies in.

ATOMIC RULERS OF THE WORLD
IMDB link
This is the first of the two Starman movies I watched. (There are 3 in the entire set, and also 3 American movies.) Starman movies are about what I discovered to be Japan's first on screen superhero, Starman, played by Ken Utsui. A little wikipedia digging informed me that Ken Utsui is a respected actor, but to this day refuses to talk about the role, mainly due to embarrassment. Apparently they used to stuff his crotch area with cotton. The suit was a little silly too.

Regardless of what you think about Starman's cape attached to his arms or his little antennae coming out of his over the head spandex costume, the movies are kinda neat. Originally parts of movies from a Japanese series called Super Giants (yes plural, and there's only one super hero.. he is not very giant either..), the plot revolves around a group of aliens from a distant planet who need to protect Earth from nuclear disaster. They do this in order to protect their own planet; nuclear fallout on Earth could directly affect them. Somehow, from space, many miles away. I'll allow it. Starman is their answer to Earth's bodyguard needs, armed with this watch that gives him the ability to speak every language on Earth, look like a human, and fly through space. I think he is also made of super powerful metal, because he has super human strength. It is Starman's duty to thwart any nuclear threat on Earth, which is convenient, because in these two movies a country that doesn't really exist and some aliens from another planet, respectively, are determined to blow up the Earth.

Starman is a friend to children, and boy that is a good thing because there is a group of sneaky orphan kids that sure do like to get themselves into trouble in these movies. In both movies one of them gets kidnapped and Starman, being the gentleman he is, makes it a point to save them. After all, children are the Earth's future. That's the movie talking, not me.

White people always play the villians in these movies. They're pretty decent, I think, and kind of cute. There's some really bad fight scenes, I think he was fencing in one of them. These two movies were basically the same plot with different people, but I enjoyed watching them both.

The Alpha Incident
IMDB link
I thought that I had finally reached a movie that wasn't about aliens coming to Earth, but boy was I wrong. This one definitely tries to sneak it past you though.

A space probe comes back with a deadly virus. It killed a bunch of rats. We aren't told how they died. These scientists for some reason think its a good idea then, to put this virus on a boxcar train guarded only by some guy that reminds me of a girl I went to high school with's dad (Mr. Rogers but less fun and totally scary). They don't even package it up well. It just kind of sits there in jars in a box.

The hillbilly that is driving this boxcar train gets so curious as to what those bottles are that he breaks them open. Now this guy is a piece of work. He's really endearing because of how silly stupid he is, and I felt bad for him the whole time to tell you the truth. Anyway, boxcar stops at a station, Evil Mr. Rogers discovers that the bottles have been broken, and is totally forced to quarantine himself and the three or four (doesn't matter) people who are at the station.

Long story short people start to freak out, wondering what happens when they die. We find out here that the way to survive is to stay awake. They do some drugs, a woman kills herself, one guy falls asleep and dies. And I'll spare you having to watch the movie, his skull contents like his brain and eyes and shit start to expand and bubble out of his head. The whole thing is pretty gory and gross, but its the only good part of the movie. In the end the government doesn't find a cure in time, and goes to exterminate or whatever the whole place. At this point Evil Mr. Rogers discovers he's fallen asleep but hasn't died, realizing he hasn't been infected. OOPS, TOO LATE, the government exterminators shoot him in the stomach. He's dead.

The end!

Beast of the Yellow Night
IMDB link
Yellow Night indeed! The whole film was washed out and yellow and dark and at times completely unviewable. Good job.

The only thing I got out of this film is that a man sells his soul to the devil in exchange for his life, he may or may not have become immortal. This said man also has a hot wife, who he either hates or loves. This man is the head of a company somehow and tries to dick a bunch of people over. Or not. He may or may not have tried to kill his wife. I am 80% sure he ends up turning into a vampire or demon or wereworlf at night eventually to pay the devil back. And according to this movie I am 100% sure the devil is a fat Philippino man in a bad suit and snarky attitude.

The Best Parts of Movies That Aren't the End

I saw The Happening this past weekend. I really liked it. I want people to go see that movie without some kind of predetermined idea in their head that its supposed to be this horrifyingly gory life changing movie. It was basically hilarious and fucked up. The director says he was trying to make the best B movie ever. While its definitely not the best, its got to be up there.

While I'm waiting for the rest of the world to get their heads out of their asses and learn how to enjoy themselves while watching a movie again I figured I would post up here my favorite parts of movies (that I can remember today) that isn't the end of a movie. I made that rule because while Dan and I were discussing what ours were he mentioned that the end of Big Fish and The Life Aquatic were two of his favorite parts of movies. While I agree with him I also think that generally the end of a movie is supposed to be the best part of the movie or at least the part that leaves the largest impression on you, so this has more to do with the parts of the movie that weren't intended to be such a big deal but in reality, are.

1. Blue Velvet - Ben's (Dean Stockwell) Karaoke Solo
After the first time I saw this movie every other viewing of it was pretty slow generally because there were no more surprises, but this scene still gives me the goosebump smileys and always demands complete attention from the audience. You have no idea if Frank is going to kill or hug Ben, and fuck if Ben doesn't lip synch this song like he's saying some kind of personal eulogy right before an infuriated rampage of fucked up drug induced slaying. I mean you get the idea when you meet him that Ben is a pretty chill guy, but for some reason watching him sing this song makes me think that when he does guys in the ass he is pretending his dick is a five sided saber sword and the fucker's head is exploding with maggots while his balls are duct taped to a pack of firecrackers. Here's the video, courtesy of YouTube.



2. Zardoz - Zed's introduction to the Renegades
This whole fucking movie is amazing on so many levels that I don't think most humans are capable of comprehending. There are so many things in this movie that could arguably be the most fucked up things that happen, or the funniest, or the most confusing, but I'm going to go with the first time Zed sees who and what the Renegades are. I mean here you have a cold blooded killer, who rapes women in his name, Zardoz, on any given Zardate. This guy climbed into the mysterious stone head and without a second thought MURDERED his own God in COLD BLOOD.

So what is it that scares this beast, this massive perfect-bred human capable of destroying the tabernacle and the world as the Eternals know it? The only way you are going to find out is by scrolling about six minutes and thirty seconds or so into this clip below. Brace yourselves, you'll thank me later.



3. Ted Bundy - Mid movie music montage (camping scene)
My brother got into another discussion with a lady about why he loves Ted Bundy so much while he was at Bonnaroo, and the lady couldn't prove any of my brother's points to be wrong. I mean face it, regardless of how you feel about Uncle Ted, you have to admit that he was one of the smartest guys ever. He got away with murder and robbery countless times, broke out of jail twice, pretty much had everyone who knew him (including crime writer Ann Rule) fooled about who he really was, and to this day no one really knows the whole story of how many people he did or didn't kill because of how he was using the criminal psychiatrists to delay his death sentence. If you ever listen to the recordings of the interviews with Ted Bundy you'll get a glimpse of how hilariously cunning he was, its solid gumby gold.

Anyway, a guy made a movie about Ted, and its a great movie, again, regardless of how you feel about the guy. About half way through the movie there is a nice little music montage of a few of his murders, and the upbeat music makes it more than memorable. You'll find it about 7 minutes in on the video below. My personal favorite is the clip of him camping out having a smoke next to some very lovely, but quiet, ladies. Enjoy.



An honorable mention goes to the scene in I Heart Huckabees when Tommy (Mark Wahlberg) fucks shit up in the meeting room. Kind of an interesting coincidence that Mark Wahlberg is also in The Happening, basically playing the same dude, but a lot better dressed and clean shaven.