Movie Gong Show Marathon Saturday Episode I

Thanks to everyone who participated in Movie Day! Here is your magical recap. (movie synopsis from IMDB.com) Note: I did not include any details about the favorite scenes in order to keep out spoilers. I highly suggest that you watch these movies to see for yourself.

1. Star Slammer - 7.7/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087945/

from: http://images.contentreserve.com/
"Two women who have been unjustly confined to a prison planet plot their escape, all the while having to put up with lesbian guards, crazed wardens and mutant rodents."

Favorite Character Award:

• All - Short Lunch Guy

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - knife fight
  
• Sara - arena of death
  
• Dan - Dr. Po death scene
  
• Lauren - mace whipping scene

Honorable Mentions:

• misleading movie title
  
• completely inappropriate soundtrack
  
• need to watch the sequel - Torah and The Chain Gang Planet
  
• never once is anyone in this movie wearing anything on this cover, nor do they ever get lazer guns from what I can remember.
  

2. Switchblade Sisters (the jezebels) - 7.425/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073778/

from http://blog.tilos.hu/filter/archives/2005_08.html
"The "Dagger Debs" are a gang of snarling girls, and Maggie is their newest member. Lace, the ever tooth-gritting leader, befriends her but soon has doubts --it seems Lace's man, Dominic, head of the "Silver Daggers" fancies the new recruit. Lace struggles to keep control of the Debs, and a handle on Nick, as they face off against the rival gang of pushers lead by Crabs."

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly, Sara, Lauren - Donut
  
• Dan - the Principal

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly, Lauren - "Surprise" bedroom scene
  
• Sara - opening scene at the burger place
  
• Dan - Maggie's escape scene

Honorable Mentions:

• the scene in the juvy center had some great action
  

3. 1990 - Bronx Warriors - 2.6/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085124/

from http://www.movieposter.com/
A Heavy Metal Journey Into An Urban Hell Where Everything Was Done Wrong!

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - Trash's chest
  
• Dan - Ogre
  
• Sara - Mysterious Drummer

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - the release of ashes into the river, but never made it into the river
  
• Sara - opening credits
  
• Dan - piano lounge party

Honorable Mentions:

• Molly did not actually watch this entire movie, and requested a gong, which was turned down by majority vote
  

4. Crack House - 9.2/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097119/

from http://www.rottentomatoes.com/
Rick and Melissa are a pair of young lovers hoping to get out of the slums for good and escape the poverty and crime their families and friends have gotten involved in. All this comes to an end when Rick feels he must rejoin his old gang to avenge the killing of his brother by a rival gang. In the course of getting even, Rick is arrested, leaving Melissa without anyone to protect her. She falls in with a crack dealer and quickly becomes addicted to the drug. When she gets sold to a drug kingpin by a minor dealer to pay off a debt, only Rick can save her.

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - OG Jammer
  
• Dan - the teacher
  
• Sara - Tripper
  
• Vince - Chico

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly - dance party
  
• Sara - pocho party
  
• Dan - school bathroom fight
  
• Vince - car crack shoot scene

Honorable Mentions:

• everyone had a really hard time picking their favorite scene.
  
• one of Sara's favorite movies ever
  
• Steve and Sara must throw Crack House themed party
  
• G FO LIFE!
  

5. Never Too Young to Die - 9.5/10 beer cans
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091621/

from http://www.amoeba.com/blog
A secret agent is murdered, and his son--a high school gymnast--teams up with a spy to catch the man who killed him.

Favorite Character Award:

• Molly - Caruthers
  
• Dan - Cliff
  
• Sara - Pyramid
  
• Vince - Pyramid
  
• Greg - Cliff
  
• John - Ragnar

Favorite Scene Award:

• Molly, Sara, John - the payoff scene
  
• Dan - guy getting bent up on rail (death scene)
  
• Vince - Stargrove Sr. death scene
  
• Greg - guy exploding on motorcycle
  

Honorable Mentions:

• the only movie featuring an ex James Bond, Gene Simmons, John Stamos and Vanity
  
• the best soundtrack of a movie ever
  
• the winner for the night, and a MUST-SEE
  

I'm toying with the idea of dressing this review up a bit in the future. Thanks again to everyone who came out and drank beers all day. Stay tuned for the next edition, coming January-ish!

hey i got married!

who knew!

Everyone always talks about the perfect wedding, but I don't think they really every feel like they got it.

The only issue I had with mine? I didn't get any cheese whore deserves.

Staarrrlllaahhhhhhhhhhh

I had two dreams last night, both of which stayed with me all day. The first was shorter but the time lapse was longer. I was in a house with a friend of mine. The house was a guest house that belonged to her mother, and a guest was staying at it. We were staying there as well, but we weren't to disturb the guest. The guest, as it turned out, was Albert Camus. Somehow I ended up sneaking out of the room we were staying at and befriending him. As it turned out, another person was staying at the house as well. This person was Daniel Quinn. The three of us stayed up all night, drinking a lot of whiskey, and talking about the existential issues I have been having. There was also peanut butter cheesecake to eat. I remember the setting of this dream very vividly. I do not remember anything that we actually spoke of. I remember the looks on their faces as they spoke. This is very odd to me, because I don't know what Albert Camus looks like. The second dream took place at my parent's house in Brick, NJ. I had friends visiting there, friends that have children. We were on the dock, and my bad tooth fell out. This is a normal occurrence in my dreams. This time was different in that due to my missing tooth I was able to pull back my skin from my face and my gums from my teeth. I did this while looking in the mirror and saw that my entire skull was covered with tar. Tar from smoking. I spent the rest of the dream trying to pick the tar off my skin with a toothpick and wipe it off. I remember only having soap and nothing else, so the tar was very hard to get off my skull.

I almost called out of work this morning. Mike suggested I take a shower and see how I felt after that. I felt better, so I went in. When I left James was sitting on the couch in his pajamas watching a tv show about house cats, taking tea and giggling uncontrollably. I think he hadn't gotten much sleep last night; he was still in the light blue pajama pants I had bought him for his birthday.I had a BLT for lunch and some smoked Gouda and red pepper soup. I didn't finish all of it. I left early to go to the doctor. I got there late. I was in the waiting room for an hour and a half. The doctor didn't tell me anything I wanted to hear and sent me away with two prescriptions. I went to KMart to look for shoes to wear to the gym. I didn't find any sneakers in my size. I bought other items I needed instead. After that I went to the grocery store and bought noodles, hot dogs and fruit. Ice cream was buy one get one free, so I bought that as well. I came home and ate Disney Princess shaped spaghetti-o's and watched James on You Tube. I left the ketchup out all night by mistake.

A gentleman could, but he doesn't.

Last night I had a very vivid dream about going back to high school. I was caught skipping class. My old middle school gym teacher placed me in handcuffs and took me to a room with other offenders. I also found sixty dollars that was dropped by a freshman. Today I worked, had not that great of a day. I clicked the show desktop button and saw James May wearing a shirt that says "i am the stig" on it. I was cheerful after that. I told Dan I was going to pretend from now on that I am married to James May. I imagined that I was going to go home and he would be playing his baby grand piano and watching some show on Discovery channel on mute, occasionally laughing about how unintelligent the programming actually was. Dan played along and we had chatter about how my conversations would my pretend husband would go. Then I went to the gym and met with my personal trainer. She had me do something called "rolling". It felt good, for the most part. I then went to belly dancing class. I flexed a lot. On the way home I bought Gatorade and beef jerky. I ate the entire bag of beef jerky, save for a small piece I gave to my dog. Now Mike is home and we are deciding on what to eat. He just discovered that he bought a tampered-with carton of milk.

Ham-Ham Heartbreak

My hamster is very sick.

I first noticed it last Monday - the usually lazy, but healthy ham seemed to be staggering around his cage and obviously breathing heavier than normal. I also noticed that the left side of his face, around his eye and nose, were swollen. He was making small panting noises, and wasn't sleeping through the day as normal.

At first I thought he was just old and dying, but when I took him out of the cage he started to bolt around the couch as normal. Everything about him other than the symptoms above was normal. At this point I also noticed that he had not touched his food (not even his treats, which is completely absurd) in two days. I felt helpless for a little bit, hoping that he wasn't hurty, and then turned to the internet.

All of his symptoms showed up in a search for hamster problems - the culprit, according to several websites, was an abscess in his cheek pouch. I was somewhat relieved, but also worried even more now - especially due to the lack of appetite he seemed to develop. I took him to the doctor the next day.

Getting a hamster to a vet is kind of a pain. People on the phone at the vets offices seemed to be taken aback by the fact that I wanted to bring a hamster in. I think one of them laughed at me. Eventually I found him an appointment at a place in Fairless Hills for the same day. I learned that hamsters are considered "exotic" and therefore more expensive to bring in. Funny to me how they are probably one of the cheapest pets you can buy.

Having the hamster at the vet was very cute but very worrisome. I giggled the whole time the vet was handling him. He weighed him in a little bowl, used a stethoscope to listen to his little heart, used a little pointer thing with a little light to check in his mouth and ears. The vet said he seemed pretty healthy, he was acting very normal, but he did have a problem. He said that there wasn't enough puss in the back of its mouth for it to be an abscess, but he thought it would be more of a tooth issue. Either way he wasn't exactly sure what it was, but gave me some medicine for him and said it should help. He was prescribed an antibiotic which he is to take twice a day for ten days, painkiller that he can take once or twice a day, and some powdered diet.

I took him home and started him on the medicine. He seemed to like the painkiller, as it made him sleep a lot. I had a lot of problems feeding him, though. The dropper the vet gave me was too small for any food particles to make it into the dropper, so I was basically force-feeding him water for at least a day.

For two days he seemed to be alright, I gave him pieces of apple that he chewed a bit of, and he was still running around happily.

However, Saturday morning things took a turn for the worse. I woke up the ham to give him his morning dose of medicine, and noticed that he had diarrhea. I also noticed that his weight had dropped significantly more - I could now feel the little bones in his rib cage and back. This made me very upset - my hamster has always been very fat and seeing this physical change in him was quite a shock.

I assumed that the diarrhea was because of the fruit I had given him, so I made a change. Instead of giving him the apple I was going to feed him more times a day with the liquid diet. I cut the top off of the dropper and finally got it so it sucked up nothing but food. He ate for awhile, but definitely made it known to me when he didn't want anymore. He spent the rest of the day sleeping.

Sunday morning and afternoon he did not have diarrhea again, so I was relieved. he did eat, however, instead of running around a bit he just sat in a ball cuddled up on my lap. Every time he tried to move around he stumbled a bit - it was completely obvious that he was weak and starving. This morning his condition had not changed at all, but instead of eating a lot I believe he stuffed up his cheeks with a lot of the food. I hope he eats it.

So this is where we are now. I'm feeding him once in the morning and once at night, and I plan on adding another scheduled feeding after I get home from work today. The outlook is grim, I'm really unsure where to go with this, but I'm doing all I can.

50 Movie Pack - Nightmare Worlds MOVIE REVIEW TIME FUN YAY part deux (a French word for "2")

Saturday and Sunday I was able to fit four more movies in.

ATOMIC RULERS OF THE WORLD
IMDB link
This is the first of the two Starman movies I watched. (There are 3 in the entire set, and also 3 American movies.) Starman movies are about what I discovered to be Japan's first on screen superhero, Starman, played by Ken Utsui. A little wikipedia digging informed me that Ken Utsui is a respected actor, but to this day refuses to talk about the role, mainly due to embarrassment. Apparently they used to stuff his crotch area with cotton. The suit was a little silly too.

Regardless of what you think about Starman's cape attached to his arms or his little antennae coming out of his over the head spandex costume, the movies are kinda neat. Originally parts of movies from a Japanese series called Super Giants (yes plural, and there's only one super hero.. he is not very giant either..), the plot revolves around a group of aliens from a distant planet who need to protect Earth from nuclear disaster. They do this in order to protect their own planet; nuclear fallout on Earth could directly affect them. Somehow, from space, many miles away. I'll allow it. Starman is their answer to Earth's bodyguard needs, armed with this watch that gives him the ability to speak every language on Earth, look like a human, and fly through space. I think he is also made of super powerful metal, because he has super human strength. It is Starman's duty to thwart any nuclear threat on Earth, which is convenient, because in these two movies a country that doesn't really exist and some aliens from another planet, respectively, are determined to blow up the Earth.

Starman is a friend to children, and boy that is a good thing because there is a group of sneaky orphan kids that sure do like to get themselves into trouble in these movies. In both movies one of them gets kidnapped and Starman, being the gentleman he is, makes it a point to save them. After all, children are the Earth's future. That's the movie talking, not me.

White people always play the villians in these movies. They're pretty decent, I think, and kind of cute. There's some really bad fight scenes, I think he was fencing in one of them. These two movies were basically the same plot with different people, but I enjoyed watching them both.

The Alpha Incident
IMDB link
I thought that I had finally reached a movie that wasn't about aliens coming to Earth, but boy was I wrong. This one definitely tries to sneak it past you though.

A space probe comes back with a deadly virus. It killed a bunch of rats. We aren't told how they died. These scientists for some reason think its a good idea then, to put this virus on a boxcar train guarded only by some guy that reminds me of a girl I went to high school with's dad (Mr. Rogers but less fun and totally scary). They don't even package it up well. It just kind of sits there in jars in a box.

The hillbilly that is driving this boxcar train gets so curious as to what those bottles are that he breaks them open. Now this guy is a piece of work. He's really endearing because of how silly stupid he is, and I felt bad for him the whole time to tell you the truth. Anyway, boxcar stops at a station, Evil Mr. Rogers discovers that the bottles have been broken, and is totally forced to quarantine himself and the three or four (doesn't matter) people who are at the station.

Long story short people start to freak out, wondering what happens when they die. We find out here that the way to survive is to stay awake. They do some drugs, a woman kills herself, one guy falls asleep and dies. And I'll spare you having to watch the movie, his skull contents like his brain and eyes and shit start to expand and bubble out of his head. The whole thing is pretty gory and gross, but its the only good part of the movie. In the end the government doesn't find a cure in time, and goes to exterminate or whatever the whole place. At this point Evil Mr. Rogers discovers he's fallen asleep but hasn't died, realizing he hasn't been infected. OOPS, TOO LATE, the government exterminators shoot him in the stomach. He's dead.

The end!

Beast of the Yellow Night
IMDB link
Yellow Night indeed! The whole film was washed out and yellow and dark and at times completely unviewable. Good job.

The only thing I got out of this film is that a man sells his soul to the devil in exchange for his life, he may or may not have become immortal. This said man also has a hot wife, who he either hates or loves. This man is the head of a company somehow and tries to dick a bunch of people over. Or not. He may or may not have tried to kill his wife. I am 80% sure he ends up turning into a vampire or demon or wereworlf at night eventually to pay the devil back. And according to this movie I am 100% sure the devil is a fat Philippino man in a bad suit and snarky attitude.

50 Movie Pack - Nightmare Worlds MOVIE REVIEW TIME FUN YAY

I bought a 50 movie pack featuring Sci-Fi movies from Best Buy this weekend. I plan on watching each one of them and posting a review of each. I find it hard to keep up with blogging when there are so many things I'd like to write about, so I thought this might help me get my shit together.

Today while doing some freelance work I watched two movies. Please be aware that I might have some of my facts wrong because I wasn't paying complete attention to them the whole time, but I don't think that is mandatory to enjoy these to begin with.

First I watched:

ALIEN CONTAMINATION

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082000/

Alien Contamination is about aliens coming to take over Earth. A mystery occurs on board a cruise ship; mostly everyone is dead, or hopped overboard abandoning ship in the middle of their meals. A team is sent to investigate. They find some dead bodies that look like they've been "blown up from the inside". That is what the investigating team said, not me. I thought they had contracted some rare skin virus. The team also happens to find a glowing, pulsing, humming pod, which once picked up proceeds to rhythmically hum and glow faster, then explodes. The green goo turns out to be acid, and everyone starts bleeding and face melting, then exploding. (There are a lot of exploding people in this movie.) Somehow one of the investigating team members makes it back to whatever lab they had come from, and we're introduced to a cold-hearted bitch scientist CIA whatever woman who's name escapes me. She has some kind of fucked up love affair going on with some other member of her team. Somehow that is relevant to the rest of the movie because they talk about it through the rest of the movie.

They (the scientists, or some scientists, not really clear on this one) bring back a pod from the ship. Bitch scientist lady proceeds to explain to people who I have no idea what relevance they carry to anything be it government or what have you that when the pods warm up they explode acid everywhere. She then makes sure that they get the point by injecting some of that acid into a rat (WTF?) and everyone gets to watch the rat explode about five seconds later.

Later on they somehow seem to end up with a TON of pods in what seems to be a warehouse that may or may not be in the process of being robbed by thieves. Of course the scientists run into the thieves and try to warn them about the exploding pods, but they fail, and all of the who I am assuming are thieves explode.

Either before or after this the scientist lady contacts an ex-astronaut. Apparently he and his partner a few years back had traveled to Mars and might have seen these pods before. Of course the ex-astronaut is an alcoholic and accused of being insane. Its the lady scientist's job to get him to tell her what he actually saw (reluctantly because she was involved with his removal off the astronaut squad back in the day because no one believed him the first time). We have a nice little Mars expedition flash back here. She convinces him to help. He slaps her in the face (I think). No one explodes in this scene.

They decide that they're all going on holiday to south america. I think this is because ex-astronaut's partner, retired from the astronaut force, is running a coffee company down there. And why not? A bunch of things happen. Again, no one is exploding.

Once they get to South America scientist lady becomes a bitch because she wants to shower before dinner. This is really important. The two dudes don't get it so they go off to get drunk and play loud music in their rooms. Somehow scientist lady gets trapped in her bathroom. With a pod. No one can hear her screams because they are off playing loud music in their rooms. I guess she escapes though, because she's alive later. No exploding people in this scene either.

I won't ruin the end of the movie for you, but you definitely get to see a pretty creative alien named "The Cyclops". A couple more people explode, and someone gets eaten as well. This movie was a great start to this dvd set. It was both hilariously awful and hilariously gross. The special effects were pretty bad, but they weren't terrible, and exploding people definitely make up for everything else that sucks about this film. Actually the film didn't really suck at all.

I would recommend this movie to a friend.


I just finished watching the second movie, called Alien Species.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115506/
This movie is about aliens coming and invading earth.

It was so bad I'm not even going to waste my time talking about it. This is one of those movies where you just sit and wonder to yourself how it ever got made. It looks like it was shot on my parents camcorder from 1987. The acting is worse than Southland Tales. The plot doesn't make any sense. Nothing ever gets resolved. Somehow people are stuck underground with aliens. There's some classic early 90's special effects in there, the kind you'd see in the student work commercials for the Art Institutes. The song in the ending credits has seriously got to be from 1985.

If I was me now sitting next to me then watching this movie, I'd probably fast forward to a few parts for a laugh, but no way would I let myself watch it in its entirety.

All in all 50% awesomeness is a good start to this DVD adventure.